One fine day
When William Wallace woke up
He saw Finn MacCool justa taking a walk
Through Scotland's highlands around
Both heroes stopped in their tracks,
and William said: "Finn I'll buy you a beer, It's only a barrel a pound!"
When heroes arrived to the tavern nearby, innkeeper with face like a mouse
He said: "Maggie old hag, bring the drink for the lads, the best booze in the house!"
"LASS!" - they yelled:
"Pour I've got coins to spend!"
And they sang, and they drank, and they pinched the barmaids
'Till they no longer could stand
In the morn'
When Wallace and MacCool stood up
From under the table, just as soon as they were able,
bought coffee a penny a cup.
Mighty a hangover hit!
A good gaelic beer makes you sing in full cheer,
This was some Englishman's shit!
They woke the innkeeper, they roughed him a bit
"Mate, you call this crap stout???"
"It's the bestest king's beer from o'er the frontier, I've got it from guy in the south!"
"MATE!" - they yelled:
"Give us the fastest mares on the moor!"
And they rode, and they drank, and they shagged local maids
On the way to the King Edward's door.
Upon arriving to town, they knocked on the old castle gates
King Edward came down in his flowery nightgown
He said: "Hey, whats this ruckus, mates?"
"Don't you know that it's late, why'd you knock on my gate? Tell me or I'll call a guards!"
"PAL!!!" - they yelled:
"We'll slap you silly, so please come out!"
"This one's for Culloden, and this one's for Boyne, and this one's for the pissy-ass stout!"
Deciding they're the best, heroes went to the West,
To drink Guinness and pound on their chests...